i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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