i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
