Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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