I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
