I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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