I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
