Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
