we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
