went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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