So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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