As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
