Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So apparently I’m into choking now
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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