I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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