I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
