So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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