so explain again why im purple
no
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You are the jesus of drinking
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
