he thought i was a dude.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
