YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
