and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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