i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
