I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
