worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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