i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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