Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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