Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
