Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
