so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
