what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
