I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
