Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize