I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
