i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
