How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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