it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
