Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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