no, he came in my armpit
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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