It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
