Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
