not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
