Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
