you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
did you just send me my own nude
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
