he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
