I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
