um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
