Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
