Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
