Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
