I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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