"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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