All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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