oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize