my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
