saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
