Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
