North Korea, Best Korea!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
