sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
