Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
