umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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