my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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