Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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