She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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