my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
