my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
