I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize