Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
