Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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