i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
